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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30139212">Caught in the Grey</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratboyrussell/pseuds/ratboyrussell'>ratboyrussell</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Crack Treated Seriously, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kageyama Tobio-centric, Love Confessions, M/M, Rules, gratuitous depictions of how gorgeous suga is, how serious can it be, it's based off a wikihow article</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:35:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30139212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratboyrussell/pseuds/ratboyrussell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>The problem:</b>
</p><p>There are lots of things Kageyama understands. There are lots of things Kageyama doesn't understand. </p><p>There is one thing that Kageyama is caught painfully between understanding and not.</p><p>  <b>The rules to fix it:</b><br/><i>Weighing the situation<br/>Setting the scene<br/>Confessing</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kageyama Tobio/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Weighing the Situation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>maybe the title is a reference to an icon for hire song</p><p>maybe not </p><p>;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are a lot of things Kageyama doesn't understand; how Hinata can always manage to have so much energy, how Tsukishima never fails to be a prickly bastard, English, how your bones grow with you (that one is especially confusing) to name a few. </p><p>There are a lot of things Kageyama does understand. Rules, is an easy one. Rules are simple to understand because they are laid out exactly as they are expected, with no ulterior motives or secret meanings. When Kageyama follows the rules he can feel accomplished, he can feel like he's done something and know that he's done it the way it was intended to be. </p><p>And there is one thing that Kageyama, for the life of him, is caught painfully between understanding and not. It's a swampy grey zone that he inhabits constantly, swinging between comprehension and confusion at dizzying speeds. It sits cooly under his skin, resting inside of him and making him feel stiff with disorientation until it is all he can think about. </p><p>And that is, exactly how he feels about Sugawara, and what to do about it. </p><p>Rules, as it happens, may help. </p><p> </p><p><b>Weighing the Situation</b><br/>
<i><span class="u">Take a step back</span></i></p><p> </p><p>Kageyama takes a step forwards. </p><p>
  <i>Already breaking the rules.</i>
</p><p>He jumps up, snaps his wrist, and watches with great intensity as the ball rockets to the other side of the net, slamming down and ricocheting off the flooring. It hits the wall with a dull thud, then bounces carelessly around until someone will go to pick it up. </p><p>A million other serves cry out like gunfire around the gym, it's music to Kageyama's ears. Maybe he should tell Sugawara right here, with the music of practice serves playing in the background and the smell of sweat and deodorant wrapping around everything to create an intoxicating haze. </p><p>No, no. Take a step back. Assess. </p><p>Kageyama takes a step back. He lets his eyes rake across the gym, across everyone and everything within. He lets them linger for a fraction of a second longer on Sugawara. </p><p>Eyebrows knit as he serves. A curt nod of his head that shuffles his hair forwards just a little. An inkling of a smile ghosting over rosy lips. A little crinkle of the corners of his eyes that makes that little beauty mark shift ever so slightly. </p><p>He's beautiful. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Make sure you mean it</span>
  </i>
</p><p> </p><p>He really is beautiful. Everything about him shines a little too brightly. Kageyama can't stare for any length of time. He feels scorched when he does. He feels like Sugawara will burn right through him instead of just burning him.  </p><p>Because Kageyama is burning. He is simmering gun powder. He is a bullet anxiously slotted into a chamber, Sugawara is the trigger and such a slight tug would send Kageyama off in a bright blaze. </p><p>
  <i>Make sure you mean it.</i>
</p><p>Sugawara's eyes find his from all the way across the court. The distance seems impossibly far.</p><p>If Sugawara is beautiful, his eyes are otherworldly. A gentle and caring hazel-brown, wide and oh-so intense to be caught under. Sometimes they glint with mischievous light and Kageyama thinks of puddles. </p><p>Murky brown to the point it isn't certain what's lurking beneath their depths. Swimming with a million different things and none of them are exactly able to be pinpointed. </p><p>
  <i>Make sure you mean it.</i>
</p><p>Kageyama does mean it. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Be true in your intentions</span>
  </i>
</p><p> </p><p>How could he ever be false in his intentions? How could he ever lie under the scrutiny of those gorgeous eyes? How could he ever concoct falsities when he is damn near hypnotized by the silver fan of eyelashes that look too long and too pale to be real? </p><p>"Sugawara?" He cannot lie to him. Not because it's wrong, but because it's physically impossible. </p><p>"Yes, Kageyama?" </p><p>How could Kageyama lie when Sugawara looks at him like that? Doe eyes impossibly wide with a million questions and voice so kind and fragile and there are a million things Kageyama wants—<i>needs</i>—to hear him say but how can he? </p><p>How can he when he can't even voice what he wants—<i>needs</i>—to say to Sugawara. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Ease into it</span>
  </i>
</p><p> </p><p>"Um...I'd like to talk to you...in private...sometime..." Kageyama stares at the floor. It's much easier than staring at Sugawara. Sugawara is beautiful and makes Kageyama's face burn and it hurts and he feels sick. </p><p>The floor is ugly and makes him feel nothing. </p><p>He can nearly hear Sugawara smile warmly as he cocks his head a little to the side. "Of course. After practice in the club room?" </p><p>Kageyama nods with a bow, he spins on his heel. He can't let Sugawara see his face. He feels naked and stripped and he can't let caring eyes graze him in such a state of vulnerability. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Be bold</span>
  </i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Come on, do it. Be bold. </i>
</p><p>"I look forward to seeing you!" Kageyama nearly shouts in a voice that is far too clipped, far too aggressive, far too loud and far too high-pitched. It's not his voice, he refuses to think that <i>that</i> came out of his mouth. </p><p>But Sugawara chuckles innocently and says, "I look forward to seeing you too, Kageyama." In a voice interspersed with breathy chuckles too kind to be aimed at Kageyama. </p><p>Kageyama takes a breath. He smiles to himself and to his burning cheeks that threaten to crack under the intensity of the splitting grin. </p><p>
  <i>Be bold.</i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>the chapters are really short so the next should be up in a few days</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Setting the Scene</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patience is not a virtue Kageyama associates with himself. Sloth is not a sin Kageyama associates with himself. </p>
<p>So when he impatiently steals millions of looks at the high-mounted clock on the gym wall, he curses himself. Every involuntary tick of his eyes in that direction causes him to inwardly deflate. His ethic decreases, his power, his precision. </p>
<p>
  <i>It is just a practice.</i>
</p>
<p>He is lacking effort. </p>
<p>The clock is inaudible. The cries of encouragement from the whole team set a wave of background noise but somehow Kageyama can still feel the ticking of the clock. With every second that passes he feels a slight electric shock run through the buzzing current of his nerve endings. </p>
<p>He's swaying on his feet, numb to all but the electricity persistently pulsating through him. He moves robotically, like a marionette with too-short strings being yanked by amateur hands. </p>
<p>He can do nothing but wait as practice rages around him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Setting the scene</b>
  <br/>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Choose a romantic setting</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The club room is not romantic. Not overly so. Though it is meaningful. A small room of many memories of many important times. A million laughs and maybe a few tears shed. Kageyama is sure it means a lot more to Sugawara than it does to him, being a few years older he has many more years of experience. </p>
<p>Many more times after practice he's sat in that very room. It probably houses some wonderful memories, Kageyama can take advantage of that. </p>
<p>
  <i>Because it is meaningful.</i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Make a meaningful moment</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kageyama is struck again by his own impatience. He's bouncing on the balls of his feet, sore to the bone from all the exertion in his over-worn shoes. He makes a mental note to buy new ones as soon as he is able, though he definitely will forget. </p>
<p>He fights with his clothes, pulling them off and crumpling them before struggling and nearly getting suffocated as he redresses. </p>
<p>It's not as though he isn't already suffocating. The weight of what he is about to confess threatens to cut off his breathing. It wraps around his throat. Thick hands gripping his airway, stopping his blood in a hazy rush. </p>
<p>Kageyama shakes it off. </p>
<p>It is not a big deal. He only has to wait until everyone is gone and the two will be alone in the meaningful club room. Kageyama will be bold, romantic. He will ease into it, be true to his intentions, and make sure he means it. </p>
<p>He is so damn sure he means it. </p>
<p>Sugawara is a constant beam of radiance to Kageyama's existence. The sun poking through clouds, shining its golden beams on every living thing. Kageyama could burn. He is struck again and he is burning. </p>
<p>And he means it. </p>
<p>There's a slight slamming as the door clicks into place and footsteps recede with muffled shouts of overexcited teammates. </p>
<p>"What did you want to talk about?" Sugawara asks with a gentle smile. He stands with his bag clutched over his shoulder, patiently blinking at Kageyama as they stand the length of the room apart. </p>
<p>Kageyama blinks back. Once. Twice. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><i><span class="u">Make sure that the two of you are alone</span></i> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They are definitely alone. Kageyama is <i>painfully</i> aware of the fact that they are <i>definitely alone.</i> </p>
<p>He still gives the room a quick once over, a double check to make sure no strays remain. But of course not. They are truly alone. </p>
<p>Kageyama looks for a split second at Sugawara. </p>
<p>And God, he really is ethereal. He is framed so carefully by the too-dim buzzing of fluorescents above them. Or are they LEDs? Kageyama does not know and doesn't really care to ask. </p>
<p>So long as he can appreciate the way they illuminate Sugawara's pale cheeks, the way they give his eyes something to shimmer in stark contrast to. The way every single thing about him that Kageyama adores is suddenly amplified in a space that is all too small and all too big at the same time. </p>
<p>They stand so far apart, and Kageyama still feels as though he is burning in proximity. Just a tug of the trigger. The slight release. </p>
<p>Just a tug of the trigger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Plan the confession</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kageyama did not plan the confession. Not at all. He had not thought for a moment what he would actually say when the time came to <i>confess.</i> He did not plan and now he is regretting it. </p>
<p>Sugawara keeps looking at him. He glances painfully into Kageyama's eyes and Kageyama just can't manage to meet them. </p>
<p>Burning. Burning. Burning. </p>
<p>He's burning up inside. His face is all too warm and he can't breathe and Sugawara keeps <i>looking at him</i> and oh, God, he is beautiful. </p>
<p>Kageyama chances a lookup. He meets Sugawara's eyes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Have their full attention</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Doe brown meets royal blue. Murky depths meet deep pools. Calm, calculated, and a little confused meet unsure and nervous. </p>
<p>Sugawara takes a step towards Kageyama. Another. Another. More and more until he is an arms-length away. Until Kageyama can hear him breathing and see the rise of his chest with every practised and measured breath he takes. Kageyama can see the little rise and fall of his shoulders and the way his collar bones move ever so slightly up and down. </p>
<p>Sugawara looks at Kageyama. Not at his chest, not his shoulder nor collar bones. At him.</p>
<p>Kageyama has his full attention.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ooooo weirdly timed cliff hanger oooooo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Confessing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Confessing</b>
  <br/>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Look into their eyes</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kageyama is doing that. Sugawara is too. They keep doing exactly that. The two keep staring at each other as Kageyama gets absolutely lost in a million emotions all pooling in his gut and churning in his stomach. </p>
<p>He bites at the inside of his lip and looks down at Sugawara. </p>
<p>"Kageyama? Are you okay?" Sugawara sounds so <i>worried</i>. So distressed at the mere idea that Kageyama isn't okay and it nearly shatters his heart. </p>
<p>Kageyama nods, choking on his answers as he tastes blood running down his tongue. </p>
<p>
  <b>Say "I love you."</b>
  <br/>
  <i>
    <span class="u">It's as simple as that</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p><i>Ease into it,</i> screams the rational part of Kageyama's brain. Because he does not love Sugawara, not yet at least, and he wants to be true. </p>
<p>
  <i>Make sure you mean it.</i>
</p>
<p>Love is not a good way to go about this. </p>
<p>Kageyama coughs loud and dry. It echoes for a moment. Sugawara waits patiently. </p>
<p>"I uh...I just wanted to say..." Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out. Ease into it. Be true. "I think I really...really—" Too many <i>'really'</i>s too much enthusiasm, "I think I really like you!" He shouts with a harsh tip of his head. He can't stand to look at Sugawara. </p>
<p>Can't stand the way—for a split second—his eyes widened all too much and he seemed surprised and shocked and painted in a million shades of panic. Panic is bad. Panic is not what you want to see when confessing to someone. Panic is what blooms and rushes through every corner and crevice of Kageyama's body. </p>
<p>Sugawara breathes shakily. In. Out. Steadying himself in a way Kageyama only wishes he could manage.</p>
<p>Another breath through rosy lips. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><i><span class="u">Kiss them</span></i> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>No. No, no, no. He will not kiss Sugawara. Not here, not now. It is not the time nor place. </p>
<p>The both of them are silently panicking and no matter how much Kageyama wants to press himself into the gently glistening lips of Sugawara he <i>will not</i>. Because this is not the time nor the place and he can't even manage to bring his head up from staring at the floor. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Be patient</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kageyama does not <i>want</i> to. He is beginning to think these rules are divine punishment as opposed to saving grace.</p>
<p>He waits and he waits and he feels the electric shocks of every passing second again. He can't stand this. He needs something, anything. </p>
<p>Acceptance, rejection. </p>
<p>Anything would be better than the agonizing waiting he is doing. </p>
<p>"Hey," Sugawara coos. Gentle and quiet, hardly above a whisper. He extends thin, pale hands to grasp at Kageyama's laying limply at his sides. </p>
<p>"Can you look at me?" Sugawara asks, soft as ever. </p>
<p>Kageyama is failing at the eye contact portion of the rules. He is failing and he is being called out on it. Slowly he lets his eyes flicker upwards, slowly he tips his chin up. He doesn't have to tip it too far, he still needs to look downwards ever so slightly. </p>
<p>A hand leaves Kageyama's and raises subtly to cup his cheek. The hand is cold. Freezing cold against the flame of Kageyama's face. </p>
<p>Kageyama is being patient. He is waiting for anything at all and Sugawara is giving him nothing. Not a word of acceptance or denial. </p>
<p>Kageyama is being patient. </p>
<p>Sugawara is coming closer. </p>
<p>Why is he coming closer? How is he coming closer? They are already nearly pressed together. Less than an arms length away. Less than a breath away. </p>
<p>A breath. </p>
<p>A breath ghosting over Kageyama's lips and a little smile as he is eye to eye with murky depths. His heart speeds up, setting a steady and agonizing speed within him that he is sure Sugawara can hear, if not feel based on the fact that the two are nearly chest to chest. </p>
<p>Sugawara pitches forwards and plants the gentlest of kisses on Kageyama's lips. The slightest of breezes on a summer day, gone just as it came and doing nothing to satiate the constant burning Kageyama feels. </p>
<p>Sugawara pats Kageyama's cheek, fingers tips drumming into his flushed skin before retreating. Sugawara is gone with a little chuckle and a whisper of, "You should be going home." </p>
<p>Kageyama is left alone, the touch of Sugawara's lips tingling in his wake. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <i>
    <span class="u">Be proud of yourself</span>
  </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kageyama is patient. He has been patient for nearly the past week waiting for Sugawara to answer. To reject him, more likely as it's taken him so long. If he wanted to accept he would have done it already. </p>
<p>Kageyama, against all odds, stays patient. Kageyama, against all odds, is proud of himself for clearing that weight from his chest. </p>
<p>The weight of the world that once tugged him down, now he feels free. Feels as though he can jump higher than anyone else on the team, if he really tries. </p>
<p>Though he would appreciate a straight answer from Sugawara. It isn't for lack of time together, Sugawara has walked with Kageyama most of the way to his house every single day. Sugawara has offered kind smiles and extra help during practice. Sugawara has even offered to eat lunch with him. </p>
<p>Kageyama is tired of being patient. The weight is setting itself back on his shoulders, pulling him down and down until he feels he might crumple into himself with the sheer pressure of it.</p>
<p>His walk home at the end of the day proves the perfect chance to fix this problem. </p>
<p>Sugawara walks painfully close to Kageyama. Their shoulders brush with every step. Fabric on fabric rustles in tune with the fluttering of leaves in nearby trees. The wind is gentle, offering a slight chill to Kageyama's neck but doing nothing to subdue the heat that has settled itself into his face. </p>
<p>Sugawara reaches out to hold his hand. </p>
<p>In the split second before their hands meet, Kageyama wonders if Sugawara's hands are cold. Surely he wants to warm them, knowing Kageyama is pleasantly heated. </p>
<p>It <i>is</i> cold, so cold. </p>
<p>Kageyama wants to hold it to his cheek, to have slender digits cup his face so gently as they cool the burning sensation that arises whenever Sugawara is around. </p>
<p>That is what he's supposed to be asking about. </p>
<p><i>Be bold.</i> </p>
<p>"About the other day," Kageyama starts proudly, "Do you- um...have an answer?" </p>
<p>Sugawara stops. Abruptly. He blinks once, twice. Pupils blown wide as a slow smile starts to inch its way across his face. Then a laugh. </p>
<p><i>Why is he laughing?</i> </p>
<p>Is Kageyama so ridiculous to Sugawara that he feels the need to laugh? </p>
<p>It is a gorgeous laugh, he can admit. Melodious and coming from deep in his chest. Less melodious when turned onto Kageyama like that. </p>
<p>"I thought the kiss was my answer." Sugawara smiles fondly. It's a lopsided smile, crinkling one side of his face just a little more than the other. He looks forwards, grips Kageyama's hand tighter, and continues steadily onwards. </p>
<p>Kageyama follows blindly. </p>
<p>"If not I thought these walks would make it obvious, or maybe this." Sugawara holds their interlinked hands in front of Kageyama's face. </p>
<p>Kageyama huffs, "But what's your answer?" </p>
<p>"Yes," Sugawara says so simply. He gives Kageyama a side-eye glance. </p>
<p>In the setting sunlight, Kageyama has a hard time computing what has just happened. He is focused on the way Sugawara shines golden in the light, his hair reflecting it in broken shards like a freshly cleaned mirror. He is focused on the way Sugawara's eyes are no longer murky in this lighting, they are clear and they are filled with wonder and amusement. He is focused on the way Sugawara's hand continues to grip at his own, though his has gone limp and he can no longer control it. </p>
<p>He is focused on the way Sugawara said <i>yes</i> as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. As if it were second nature that he return Kageyama's feelings. As if it were part of some genetic code and as if it were meant to be. </p>
<p><i>Meant to be.</i> </p>
<p>He is focused on the fact that Sugawara has thought that for the past week, the two have been hanging out as something more than friends. </p>
<p>He is <i>very suddenly focused</i> on the fact that Sugawara's lips are level with his—where he has unknowingly stopped in his tracks—that Sugawara's breath is in his mouth and he tastes like sports drink and he smells like salt. </p>
<p>He is focussed on the way Sugawara whispers groggily and sing-song-ish, "If that isn't clear enough for you, I like you a lot. Can I kiss you?" </p>
<p>"Yes," Kageyama whispers back. Because a whisper is all he can manage. His voice is broken and desperate. How could he be anything else when Sugawara <i>wants</i> him in the same way he <i>wants</i> Sugawara? </p>
<p>A breath and they are touching. Kissing. </p>
<p>And it is wonderful. As it was before. But this time it's better. Kageyama is expecting it, he has time to prepare and to enjoy it. He has time to take in the curve of Sugawara's smile against his lips and he has time to breathe and revel in the smell of Sugawara's skin. It is <i>so smooth</i>. How can someone get skin so smooth? </p>
<p>He wonders briefly if there are rules on how to be a good kisser, because he's sure what he's doing isn't all that great. But the thought is quickly rushed away when Sugawara breaks away from him and smiles a mile-wide grin that seems a million times brighter than the sun framing his figure. </p>
<p>When Kageyama looks down at him, the world doesn't seem all that grey.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you for reading i hope you enjoyed :)</p>
<p>i really liked writing this. it's a lot different from my usual stuff but it was really fun</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you can find the wikihow article i used to write this <a href="https://www.wikihow.com/Confess-Your-Love-to-Someone">here</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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